“I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” ~Stephen Hawking

Mad World ~ Gary Jules  

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world

Mad world 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm done with Christmas shopping. This holiday season has been super stressful, and I've been ready for it to end since before it even began. Between the election making work crazy, being on back-order on a great deal of our inventory, my Mom hurting my feelings, and my (new) Psoriasis, it's been hard around here. I'm not trying to say that I've got it harder than anyone else, and comparatively my life is amazingly awesome, but I still struggle. I often feel like I shouldn't be allowed to complain because I _do_ have it so easy in some regards, but I have to allow myself to have feelings, and to express them without thinking that I'm not allowed to. Yes people are struggling WAY more than I am, but that doesn't negate my struggles. (Can you tell that I'm giving myself a pep talk here?) Life is hard all over, and just because I'm not struggling financially and I have a roof over my head, plenty to eat, a job with benefits, (relatively) good health, and so on doesn't mean that I can't have _hard_ too.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
~Philo

Anyway - I'm ready for the holiday to just be over. I'm tired of everyone around me. I'm tired of children, I'm tired of the glitz and glimmer of Christmas and I'm tired of trying to figure out where I fit in all of it. I've heard so many horrible things on the news lately that I'm wondering where to go next - what to do next. I try to be a good person, but it seems like there are so few people trying anymore. Lately the only way I can take the news in by watching The Daily Show.

“If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche that must have been left behind in the Sixties, that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal.”
~John Lennon

Right now I feel like I'm giving and not receiving. I'm not talking gifts; I mean respect, care, honestly, love, etc. This year I cut back _hard_ on the amount of Christmas cards I sent. I only sent to those I've received from in the past. I don't care to spend the money to wish others a Happy Holiday when they can't do the same. Now, I didn't cut _everyone_ that didn't / doesn't send cards; I know some people can't / don't want to / can't afford to / etc. and I'd never dream of cutting them. I cut Sawyer's cousins that probably don't even know my name, and the family I don't speak to (or care to speak to - same for Sawyer's side).

I'm tired of "being the bigger person". I've done it my whole life, and it's brought me nothing but heartache and upset, so I'm done with it. I'm no longer RSVPing to weddings for people who didn't RSVP to mine. I'm not sending baby shower gifts or cards. I'm not sending birthday cards. I can't - I won't.

“You either get tired fighting for peace, or you die.”
~John Lennon