I have this posted in my "Notes" on FaceBook, and I thought I'd better put it here too, so I don't lose it or forget it. _smirk_
(Also - I have NO IDEA where I found this, or I'd give credit. If it's yours, and you'd like me to give credit [I'd be happy to!] or take it down, please email me - loosing.my.muchness@gmail.com.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jack
1. Gather ingredients
2. Point gun at ingredients and shout “HOW DO I MAKE A SANDWICH OUT OF YOU?!?!?”
3. Breathe heavily through your nose as though you were about to hit ingredients
4. Give up and make the sandwich yourself, and eat it bitterly
Kate
1. Make separate sandwiches, one with peanut butter and one with jelly
2. Take a bite of the peanut butter sandwich, declaring it the best
3. Take a bite of the jelly sandwich, declaring it the best
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 ad infinitum
5. Follow peanut butter or jelly sandwich into grave danger
Sawyer
1. Throw the jar of jelly at wall, sneering “I don’t need no sandwich”
2. Call the mascot on the jar of peanut butter lots of clever nicknames
3. Huff and puff and stomp around and grumble a lot
4. When no one’s looking, make perfect, even, symmetrical peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sit in a corner, enjoying every bite
Locke
1. Sit idly by, believing that the ingredients will find a way to make a sandwich out of themselves
2. Lose faith and make the sandwich anyway
3. Realize that you were the instrument by which the ingredients chose to make a sandwich after all
4. Run around the room and grab everyone’s knives, insisting that their sandwiches will do the same in time
Hurley
1. Make sandwich
2. Eat sandwich
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 ad infinitum
Sayid
1. Procure 23 milligrams of uranium-20
2. Set hadron supercollider to eight megajoules
3. Program a sandwich-making macro using Cobol or Visual Basic
4. Act all tough-like
Desmond
1. Eat sandwich
2. Call the sandwich “brother”
3. Place peanut butter slice over jelly slice
4. Spread jelly on the other slice
5. Spread peanut butter on one slice
6. Take two slices of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly
Ben
1. Steal someone else’s sandwich
2. Claim you coerced them into making the sandwich for you all along
3. Say you’ll tell them everything if they make you another sandwich
4. Stare at them all creepy-like
Libby
1. Lay out plans for one of the most intricate, fascinating, and delicious sandwiches of all time
2. Just as you start making it, get shot
Danielle
1. Apply peanut butter
2. Disappear for eight months
3. Apply jelly
4. Disappear for eight months
5. Eat sandwich
Claire
1. Mmmmmmm, peanut butter
Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse (writers of LOST)
1. Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
2. Have someone take a bite, then tell them it’s a baloney sandwich
3. Make up a whole bunch of other shit, then say you had planned it all along
4. Buy a few yachts
Richard
1. Make sandwich on the island in 1954. Do not age.
2. Make sandwich at Locke's house in 1956. Do not age.
3. Make sandwich at Locke's house in 1961. Do not age.
4. Make sandwich at Locke's high school in 1972. Do not age.
5. Make sandwich for young Ben on the island in 1973. Do not age.
6. Make sandwich for Sawyer in 1974. Sawyer calls you Horace's "Buddy with the eyeliner." Do not age.
7. Make sandwich for wounded young Ben when Kate brings him to you in 1977. Do not age.
8. Make sandwich while Ben and Widmore argue over Rousseau and Alex in 1989. Do not age.
9. Make sandwich after leading the Purge in 1992. Do not age.
10. Make sandwich after getting Juliette's exhusband hit by a bus in 2001. Do not age.
11. Make sandwich after making video of Juliette's sister, her baby, and a newspaper in 2004. Do not age.
12. Make sandwich for undead John Locke in 2007. Do not age.
13. Make sandwich and wonder if peanut butter and jelly is, in fact, the secret to eternal youth. Do not age.
Faraday
1. Place bread slices out on counter in present day
2. Place peanut butter in 1977
3. Place jelly in 2004
4. Set bearing to 305 and make the dang sandwich
Sun
1. Make sandwich.
2. Don't tell anyone you have a sandwich for a really, really long time.
3. Suddenly explosively reveal that you have a sandwich.
4. Look hot in a bikini.
Michael
1. Make sandwich.
2. Lose sandwich.
3. Spend the rest of your life running through the woods yelling, "SANDWICH! SANDWICH! SANDWICH!!!!!"
4. Become hated by everyone.
Charlie
1. Make sandwich.
2. Fall in love with sandwich.
3. Spend several months trying not to let anyone else get near sandwich.
4. Right before eating sandwich, drown.
Dr. Arzt
1. Lay out two slices of bread.
2. Spread pean--ka-BOOOOMM!!!!
Dr. Chang
1. Make several instructional films/videos on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
2. Do not use your real name in any of these films or videos
3. Just as you are about to eat sandwich, lose the hand that is holding it.
Miles
1. Accept offer to make sandwich for $1.6 million.
2. Rival group tells you not to make the sandwich. Tell them you won't make the sandwich if they pay you $3.2 million.
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