"Old as she was, she still missed her Daddy sometimes." ~Gloria Naylor

Dear Dad,

Five years ago at this very moment you left this world. I wish I could have been there to tell you all the things I thought I'd have time to say. I wish that I had told you how much I love you and how you were all I wanted to be when I grew up. I wish that I told you that I never for one second had anger or hurt feelings about you being gone so much. You did what you needed and loved to do.

Mostly I wish I'd told you that you are the greatest man I'll ever know. I've learned so much from you and I didn't thank you for all that you've done for me.

I miss you every day, and some days are harder than others, but you're always in my heart. I try to be strong for Mom but my heart breaks every time she cries. She's trying so hard to your Dad be ok with this?" She doesn't realize that you are looking out for her, and making her stronger. Please keep sending her Industrial Express trucks and cardinals. She'll always be looking for them.

Also, thanks for bringing Big Brother back into our lives. I don't know what Mom & I would do without him. He's been stepping into your shoes for the important stuff. He keeps Mom laughing, and keeps me grounded. I don't know what we'd do without him.

I'm sorry for walking away from Other Brother. I still need distance from the only relative (besides Mom) that saw you that last night. I'm bitter and angry that he could say goodbye and I didn't get to. Someday I'll get over that, but I don't know when it'll be. Please let him know that altough it hurts to look at him & his family I do still love them. I just need some space from him for now.

I wish you'd have been here for my wedding. Thank you for the blue skies, but I'd have taken cloudy skies with my Dad over that any day.

I miss you. Please watch over me, and Mom.

Love you!

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 I painted your room at
Midnight, so I'd know
Yesterday was over
I put all your books on the top shelf,
Even the one with the four leaf clover
Man, I'm getting older
I took all your pictures off the wall
and wrapped them in a news paper blanket
I haven't slept in what seems like a century,
and now I can barely breathe

Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
dandelions lost in the summer sky
When you and I were getting high as outer space,
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late

Your words still serenade me,
Your lullabies won't let me sleep
I've never heard such a haunting melody.
Oh, it's killing me
You know I can barely breathe

Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
dandelions lost in the summer sky
When you and I were getting high as outer space,
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late

Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
dandelions lost in the summer sky
When you and I were getting high as outer space,
I never thought you'd slip away -

Like a crow chasing the Butterfly
dandelions lost in the summer sky
When you and I were getting high as outer space,
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late

Just a little too late 

(Shinedown - The Crow and the Butterfly - The Sound of Madness [album])

That's all I was that night - just a little too late.