I talked to my Mom yesterday, and it reminded me why I don't talk to her often. I love her to pieces, but she drives me crazy. For example - she'll be pissed at someone, and a week later is calling them every day. I'm not begrudging her any friendships, but when she bitches about that person and then is friendly with them (and it can flip back and forth!) then it drives me crazy. I also made the mistake of mentioning to her that I'm in therapy. She sounded defensive when she asked me why, and when I said because I'm depressed she was once again defensive when she asked "why are you depressed". I think she could greatly benefit from therapy, or anti-depressants, but she'll never be willing to get that help.
Sawyer said it was probably a bad idea to tell my Mom about therapy / anti-depressants, and I know he's right, but I'm not going to hide my struggles anymore. Sawyer asked what would happen if Mom or Big Brother started picking on me for it - I told him "then I won't be talking to them". It would be hard, but I'm not risking my (already unstable) mental health worrying about people picking on me for getting the help I need. If they don't like it - too bad. It's not like I'm in therapy to blame them for anything - or to even talk about them.
I worry about my Mom quite a bit - she's depressed and she's all alone. I worry about her falling, and not being able to get to the phone, and my brother not stopping by for a while. I've thought about getting her a Life Alert Bracelet, but a couple of weeks ago Big Brother mentioned asking Mom to move in with him so I pushed it to the side. He hasn't asked her yet - well, she hasn't told me that he's asked - and I had hoped we could move her in before winter came. I think moving in with Big Brother would be for the best for Mom, but I'm not sure she'd do it. She did mention - in passing - that she can't afford this or that so I worry about something happening to her house, and her not being able to afford to fix it (furnace dying, new roof, etc.). Big Brother helps out when he can, but he works and has a life too.
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I'm thinking about deactivating my FaceBook again. I'm sick of reading ignorant posts, and people trying to be intelligent, but not actually researching what they're blabbering on about. I've got my FaceBook fairly locked down, but there are only about 5 people that I really want to keep up with. I just don't know what to do. I think - for the time being - I'm going to leave it active, but only check in once a week.
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I borrowed my first library book from the local library. I had a library card when I lived farther south (different county), but haven't gotten a new card since we moved (6 years ago!). I borrowed a book right away too - Amanda Knox : Waiting to be Heard : A Memoir. I _LOVE_ True Crime (not that it happens, but since it does I'm fascinated by it). I'm fairly sure that we're going to love going to the library - free movies? free cookbooks? free books you don't want to admit you want to read? YES to all of those? SIGN ME UP!
We're trying to be more conscience of our purchases - not using Amazon for anything we can get locally (we just started using a little bookstore that's local) or digitally (MP3s, & ebooks), buying local produce (when we can), planting native as often as possible (current exceptions - my Forsythia, and yellow tulips, the shrubs under our picture window [we tried with those, but the plants we wanted are very hard to be found]), and starting our own seeds for things when we can. Going to the library is another thing we can do. We'll still make exceptions occasionally (well, _I_ will for sure), but that's ok.
Captain Mal dancing - just because. _smirk_
**For the sake of full disclosure - the link to the Amanda Knox book goes to Amazon. I DO NOT make any money off of that link. **
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