That quote is my favorite. We used it in our wedding ceremony, I have an angel statue with that saying on it that I keep with a picture of my maternal grandparents and my Dad (I need to add a picture of my paternal grandmother), and it's on the bracelet I bought for our wedding with 4 stars on it. This weekend another star was added to the night sky. J's Pa M passed away early Saturday morning. Pa M was a great man, who always made me laugh. He was kind, gentle, caring and will forever be missed. I never had grandpas growing up and he always felt like "my" grandpa too. Up until J & I got married he always introduced me as "J's friend", and it will always make me smile. He had a big laugh that filled a room, and a fierce love for cats.
We'll be getting together with J's family to mourn the loss and celebrate the life of Pa. I'm much more of a celebrate the life type of person - I hate mourning the loss. I understand the need for sadness, but I need to find laughter in heavy situations. It's going to be hard to not laugh about things Pa has said. I'm fairly certain that J's family will not want to laugh on Friday, but I have the feeling that is all I'll want to do.
Friday will be hard for other reasons too. It will remind me of losing my Dad, and not getting to have the finalness of a funeral. My Dad requested to be cremated and have his ashes spread over a place where my Dad & Uncle went fishing. We had him cremated but my Mom couldn't give him up to have his ashes spread. Going to my Mom's house is hard. I have to pretend that the plastic container that holds what is left of my Dad isn't sitting on a shelf in her living room. That's not where he belongs. I haven't even been able to wear my urn necklace since our wedding. My Dad doesn't belong around my neck either. I do love having the necklace, but it doesn't bring the comfort I had hoped it would bring.
I wish that I could be selfish and never go to another funeral until my Dad's ashes are spread, but that's not realistic or even proper. I've reached the time of my life where I'll have to attend weddings and funerals more often than I'd like. Weddings are one thing - I don't enjoy them, but they're not depressing or uncomfortable for me the way funerals are. Each funeral will bring back the anger of my Dad's passing - the "Why me?"s. Why didn't I get to have MY Dad until I was 60? Then I start the "It's not fair"s. I know life isn't fair, but I hate the big reminders!
I don't do funerals myself....I love weddings, but I've only been to one funeral my Grandmother's when I was 13 & since then, I've not gone to one. Thankfully, I haven't had anyone very close to me pass, but I really really don't want to have to do a funeral, I'd rather remember a person as they are living. Love you babe I'll be thinking of you this weekend especially.
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